His Love Frees

It occurred a few weeks ago when I was rushing around, as usual, and the Lord quietly spoke to me: “You’ve pushed it away but it did happen to you.” 

“I don’t want to think about it,” was my reply.

“I know and that’s good not to dwell on it,” I felt the Lord respond. “But it’s okay to acknowledge it happened.” 

So I guess this devotional blog is an attempt to admit fully that in September 2023 my life completely changed – for better, I believe, because I am now 100 percent accelerating for the Lord. But this new life transpired after I experienced a horror and, to be honest, even now I can still hardly believe how Jesus hauled me away from it, healed me, pushed me through two more threats to my life – and here I am today, walking with Him. 

The brain bleed didn’t just affect me. Snatches of conversation with my wife have given me glimpses of just how difficult it was for her at the time, too. She reveals how I talked nonsense when I woke up from the 36-hour coma. Or at least, it was a coma to me because I don’t remember anything. But she remembers the awful things in the erratic way I behaved and spoke in the hours after the bleed. At one point I thought she was my mum. At one point the doctors told her I would likely suffer after effects, such as dementia. At one point, a nurse encouraged her to call all the family and tell them to come to the hospital to say goodbye to me. 

I was told that only 15 percent of patients make a full recovery. And I am living in the 15 percent. It’s a miracle. Prayers from around the world were literally answered. The grace of God showered on me. I think it’s something I will reflect on, ponder about and be thankful for, for the rest of my life. 

And when I recall the silhouettes of nightmares that I experienced in that locked-up high dependency hospital unit for two weeks – forced to stay still without moving, patients screaming and standing on their beds, the little yellow pills that helped alongside the drips and other tablets and injections – and the thudding headache, which had me crouched on all fours wishing it away – well, all the terrors fade away. Because I recall the tremendous but peaceful pull of the Holy Spirit at that time. 

My friend Michael spoke Psalm 91 to me in those days and weeks and it became a suit of armour, which held firm in the truth of the good news that Jesus is alive and the power of the Holy Spirit really IS at work. I re-read this Psalm today and felt emotional remembering it. How good it is to be loved by God! 

Oh, and those other two threats faded away too. Stroke doctors thought I had a normal stroke when I was in the hospital and wanted me to take a blood thinner, which carried a new risk of brain bleeding… but the night before I decided to take the medication, one of the doctors contacted me urgently to tell me not to do it, after all. They had had a roundtable meeting and decided it wasn’t the other type of stroke after all but test dye that showed in my body 

And the other threat was a furrowed neck artery, found in an imaging scan and considered  highly dangerous. It was difficult and I was frightened. But I went to CreationFest, a Christian event in the county of Cornwall in England and received prayer – had another scan and the doctor sent me a letter saying there was no problem. “No further action required,” he wrote. 

What did Jesus do with his memories? I mean the memories of his crucifixion and what he went through. He showed the disciples the scars in his resurrected body. He acknowledged what he experienced and the brutality of it, but what happened didn’t define him. Except that it stood as a testament to the grace and power of God. Amen! 

Psalm 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day, 
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.

You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,

no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.

With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

** I put up a “Donate” button recently, and I just want to say how thankful I am for the donations received (you know who you are), which help me personally (3 children to feed!) and the running of this devotional site. I do appreciate it.