I went bankrupt in 2003. It’s not a subject some bankrupted people like to talk about because of personal pride and I can understand that. But I want to be open and honest, and say it happened to me. I was too unwell to work at that time and debts such as student loans from university piled up. The banks kept demanding repayments but I was suffering post traumatic stress for personal reasons. A series of near-death experiences from Addisonian Disease, resulting in hospitalisation a number of times, just meant my priorities were elsewhere. I was surviving, not thriving.
I was also living on benefits – enough for a meagre monthly payment to my mum for rent and for one cup of coffee per week. There was no way I could pay back what was owed. But the banks kept sending repayment notices and the letter box every day would bang with more and more red letter demands. I offered to pay modest amounts each month, £5 or so, but my debtors refused. Meanwhile, the expert at Citizen’s Advice – an excellent support charity in the UK – told me that bankruptcy was the only route out of my squeezed predicament.
I will never forget standing before the judge. It was in a small, austere room in some type of law court in the city of Brighton in the South East of England. She had dark, puffed-up raven hair and eyed me coldly like an eagle, perched behind a wide, open desk.
“Are you sure you want to go bankrupt?” She asked me bluntly.
“I have no choice,” I replied simply.
Slam! The wooden gavel in her hand smashed onto the desk and made me jump.
“I certify that you officially went bankrupt on this day…” and so she went on, reading out the legal jargon before her assistant directed me outside again, blinking like a baffled unwise owl.
And so that was it. Judgement had fallen upon me and now I was one of “those.” Society had certified my inability to keep my own affairs in order and deemed a need to closely monitor my financial affairs, forcing me to be held accountable to a third party for years and requiring me to disclose my private ingoings and outgoings.
I had been declared guilty of mismanagement of my personal life, albeit in a civil and not criminal court. The judgement affecting my personal affairs lasted three years but the restrictive effects were felt far longer than that.
Years later, I attended a church-led finance course to try and learn about responsible living. I remember the leader said that, “No Christian should ever go bankrupt. It’s wrong.” It made me feel clouded. He seemed to be saying I had committed an unpardonable wrong.
I remember telling my dad too, just after I went bankrupt. We were eating in a restaurant (not the best topic of conversation for a positive atmosphere) to which he replied, “No son of mine will go bankrupt.” And I said: “It’s too late. I have.” A statement met with silence.
I can understand it’s not what a father wants to hear his son say. Yet there’s so much shame and blame thrown at people who have failed in this area. I acknowledge the seriousness and need to repay debts. But for those “guilty”, it can feel like an unforgivable crime.
A number of years after the church finance course, my eyes fell upon this scripture from the Old Testament, of all places.
“At the end of every seven years you must cancel debts. This is how it is to be done: Every creditor shall cancel any loan they have made to a fellow Israelite. They shall not require payment from anyone among their own people, because the Lord’s time for canceling debts has been proclaimed.” (Deuteronomy 15: 1-2)
It’s blatantly clear that God wants us to be responsible and make wise choices in our lives. No doubt about that. But if we don’t and mess it up – He’s not standing there like a judge with a wooden gavel ready to strike us down. The church finance course leader, in that respect, was wrong because he forgot the crucial overriding river of grace, flowing towards us through the cross of Christ.
From this Old Testament passage, it’s clear that there’s a time for being in debt and also a time for being free from that. A microcosm or echo, or whatever you want to call it, of the incredible grace shown in Jesus Christ who cancelled all our debts and took the payment upon himself – justifying us through his own dear sacrifice. Surely we live in such a time that is wondrous because of the power of the gospel: “The Lord’s time for canceling debts has been proclaimed.” That counts for all debts, of whatever nature. We are free. Praise God!
Leave a comment